Two weeks ago I went in for my first wedding dress fitting. My dress isn't a tight fitting mermaid dress, and I have been working out harder then I have ever have, I've lost over twelve pounds since moving to London and well, I was feeling good. I went by myself on a Friday afternoon with my big gown in its bag and put it on, zipped it up, stood in front of the mirror for the seamstress and instead of smiling and feeling amazing in this gorgeous dress, what did I say…. "oooo, back fat!". I know this sounds like a ridiculous post but I wanted to share this because I think this taught me a lesson that day, to just be a little nicer to ourselves, stop tearing ourselves apart. 
Happy girls are the prettiest girls, so true! For years since I was little I have struggled with body image, its not a secret there. I may love to share pics and actually take pictures {I mean I LOVE a photoshoot!} however, I'd be lying to say I don't pick apart the pictures. I have never been the person who can indulge in dessert and not gain a pound, nope, if I have a couple cocktails and some fries, the next day, no joke, I will weigh a few more pounds. I use to obsess in high school about eating a crazy fat free, sugar free diet that consisted of disgusting WOW! Potato Chips {Remember those fat free potato chips, yuck} and food that was filled with no nutrients and artificial junk. I was obsessed with being teeny and started running on my own a lot, but no matter how much weight I lost, I was still unhappy about it. People would always say, oh you are small, but I worked for it, I exercised, I watched what I ate and I still wasn't feeling small, I don't really know what changed me exactly, but I decided one day to accept me a bit more an due nicer. I think it probably wasn't until my mid twenties when I decided to sign up for my third marathon where my body image finally changed and I accepted that this was my body, I would never be a thin rail, I have hips and a butt and that's that. I was and still am healthy and love to run, exercise and push my body to move. I don't want my arms to be skin and bones but want to see muscle definition and the results of the hours I put in my workouts. I am not interested in the artificial sweetener and fat free diets anymore but would much rather have natural delicious full fat cheese and veggies and indulge in a sweet moderately. I know you are probably wondering, where I am I going with this post. I think I decided to write it because I think that so many of us women battle with this. My wedding is in a few weeks and the last thing I want to do on my wedding day is look in the mirror and not feel like a million bucks, but look in the mirror and say I have back fat, stop. There was not back fat Rebecca, I was tearing myself apart, picking, seeing the little ridiculous things in the mirror, I need to be a little nicer to myself and instead say, "Wow, the 12 months you have put into feeling good, its paying off".
Image on Left when we got engaged in NYC and recent photo from Blogtacular from Mollie Makes
When we moved to London I started walking a lot more, really watching what I put in my body {a few less Taco Tuesday Florida nights in the past} and made a goal on my wedding day to get back to the weight I was and feel happiest like eight years ago when my Beau met me. I wanted to look and feel good for him and also, for myself. I didn't go on some crash diet, nope, I worked hard at it and still am.
Photo by Babb Photography for the Next Generation Wedding Bloggers Shoot
I hope if you are getting married, being a bridesmaid, wedding guest or just going on the town with the girls, that you can look in the mirror and not tear yourself apart as well. Not say "Ugh, my legs are so fat!" but instead think, damn I've got some fab hair tonight and this dress rocks. We always seem to see the negative points first when there are usually 101 positive points standing in the way. The image above is from a photo shoot I was apart of for a London Wedding Magazine {featured in Wedding Magazine}and I remember thinking, wow, I'm not a model, I'm going to be in a national magazine! But when those pictures came back, I have to say, I may have torn myself apart at first, making fun of my silly faces, but then I stepped back and thought, OK, that was fun, I look happy and good. It just feels so much better to be happy and nice to ourselves doesn't it!
I remember reading some posts on Rinse Repeat Blog and A Girl A Style's instagram feed about just accepting ourselves and I thought, SO true! We are too hard on ourselves and should really stop picking out the little ridiculous things and see the many things that make us all wonderful. Do you feel that way? Do you feel like sometimes you tear yourself apart just a bit too much? Next time, be a little nicer to yourself, it will make your life feel a lot better!
xoxo - Becca
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