Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Me Time

I feel a little selfish talking about me time. No, I'm not talking about getting a manicure and a glass of wine alone time {which is quite nice!}, I'm talking about the personal to do list I have had in my mind for over a year of things I want to do. I'm talking about getting to the breakdown point and freaking out at 11:00pm because there is never enough time to try and live my dreams. By the time I get home from work, email, cook, exercise, wedding emails, I'm exhausted and haven't gotten to the things that make me tick. Anyone else? DO I sound crazy? I'm not talking about pretty weddings today or a new bag I want or a new restaurant I just went to, today I'm just giving you my thoughts….OK, I'm rambling a bit. Will you let me? Want to listen? 

So my sweet fiancĂ© has to hear me complain at home {I feel bad}. He is the one who listens to me typing away early mornings and late nights. He is the one who heard me yelling at my flowers last weekend when I didn't buy the right flowers for a flower arranging project {hello, why the yelling! I had never done it before!}. He is also the sweet one that reminded me last night, I need to take some time for myself. He's right. This past year of living in London has been absolutely amazing.We are planning our wedding which is beyond exciting. We have travelled to Bali, met fabulous new friends and have seen wonderful new things, all in all I keep feeling like something has been missing. I have been jamming our week and weekends full of wedding meetings and going to dinner and drinks with friends, getting home at 11:00pm to fall in bed and attempt to wake up for a 6:00am workout and emails. I get to my desk at nine feeling exhausted and tired and grumpy to come home and rush through my to do list and get angry that I haven't finished it. Last night we came to a conclusion that I need to set up a little plan for myself. Happiness isn't going to come in a box from Amazon {which I've recently become obsessed with!}. It isn't that I'm not happy, it is just that I feel like something is missing and I'm never happy enough with what I have and feel my goal is always out there and I don't have time to get there. It isn't a secret to anyone that some day I would like my own business. A little corner of the world to help bride and grooms create creative and beautiful weddings, a place I can plan families home parties and decorations, a place I can suggest entertaining ideas and things to make your lifestyle shiny sparkly and fun. However, if I am not feeling shiny and sparkly then how I can help others! I look at Instagram and Facebook and read blogs secretly jealous of others in my industry who have made it. Others who have created a gorgeous company in their mid twenties when I feel like I should be there. I have to remind myself that hello, I'm only 32, life isn't over, I need to take the opportunities I have now and make the most of it. I need to be excited for these peers and take their learning curves as inspiration. Meanwhile I need to take time for myself at home and say no. Saying no to last minute dinner plans on a Tuesday so I can sit at my computer and blog or email wedding companies that have been on my list. Saying no so that I can write my plan, my three year personal plan, my 5 year family plan of where we want to be and what we want to do. 

I am pretty sure of the woman I want to grow into; a loving wife, a caring friend, a creative, fun, inspiring business women, a healthy and happy person both and in out, a thoughtful daughter, a thoughtful sister, the list goes on. Like the famous Diane says above, I am ready to become that woman. Last week I signed up for a flower arranging class online and while it seems like a fun silly project, I think it was a little sign to me saying, I need this, it's time for me to do this for me. So you have now just read me ranting on for this whole post and I probably make no sense. What I'm saying is I know a lot of you have big dreams and big goals like me. Stopping giving excuses and saying you can't, stop putting those things on the back end of the to do list, put them on the front, make time for yourself and say no to some plans and say yes to me time. 

I've been really inspired over the last couple of months meeting some fabulous women in my industry and it is time I make some time for myself to get out there and figure out how I can make myself amazing as well. Make my life the amazing part I feel like I have been missing. Thanks Beau for listening to me freak out at night and thank you to anyone who is even reading this. 

xoxo - Becca

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